New Year’s Resolutions that I KNOW won’t work this year

Update:  Okay, so I re-read this in 2020 and I admit it didn't sound right - for those with other things in mind.  This article was meant to be satirical.  Please try to remove any form of malice?  All in the name of fun please.  Much thanks!  And terms that might connote negativity in American setting was not meant to be so by this writer who is a Filipina mother.  Peace :) 


We all start our year with resolutions right?  Well now that the first quarter is over, it is time to do a little assessment.  I did mine, so before I make any more false promises to myself, I have identified my top three new year’s resolutions that I KNOW won’t work this year.

Number One – Diet

I already know what I need to do to lose weight – eat more fruits, exercise, reduce consumption of rice, don’t drink creamy coffee, and don’t eat too many sweets.  I know all that, I just don’t do all that.  

 
Sweets follow me wherever I go.  How can I say no?
Let’s face it.  I love to do the opposite of all those things.  And I lack motivation!  

The women I know who were successful at losing weight were either separated from their husbands or caretakers of empty nests.  They have motivation – man hunting or escaping from boredom.

But me, I’m happy!  I have two loving kids.  A husband who says he loves me even if I am fat.  And I am extremely busy – boredom doesn’t stand a chance!

So unless I get separated or lose my job or my seven and nine year old decide to live in their own apartments then I have no motivation at all to go on a diet; at least not this year.


 My husband loves me no matter what and expresses it with chocolates!
Number Two – Create a Business

There are several qualities that a person needs to possess in order to be successful in business.  Straight up, I lose out on the first quality – have enough money to make more money.

I also lose out on the second qualification – don’t be lazy.  Maybe I will have better chances at being a blogger.  Tough luck!  Well, at least not this year.

Number Three – Build my own House so I can Have my own Room

Naturally, since I can’t create a business to earn extra income, I cannot yet buy my own house.  The closest house I can build this year is made from LEGO!

Neither can I have my own room.  This is the worst of my realizations!  I need my own room!!! 

I just need space where I can change my panties in peace!  Every time I come out of the shower, I escape to Raffy’s room (which was Richard’s room before, which was his brother’s room before him and God knows whose room fifty years back!) 

"The women I know 
who were successful 
at losing weight were either 
separated from their husbands 
or caretakers of empty nests."

But would you believe there were no locks on the door?  We had them forcibly removed when the door got stuck after too many bangings.  Raffy banged the door to his room whenever he had tantrums – and that was often!  Really often.

So after a shower, I escape to Raffy’s room, insert a folded piece of paper against the door so it can close.  Gather my clothes and change into them faster than you can yell “Holler!” 
 
I’ve become an expert at putting on my panty and pulling down my shirt over my bra before the door is pushed open.  “Oops, sorry Mommy, you were changing?”  Of course, he caught me with my pants down.

So there you have it, my top three New Year’s Resolutions that I KNOW won’t work this year.  What are yours?

Update:  Okay, so I re-read this in 2020 and I admit it didn't sound right - for those with other things in mind.  This article was meant to be satirical.  Please try to remove any form of malice?  All in the name of fun please.  Much thanks!  And terms that might connote negativity in American setting was not meant to be so by this writer who is a Filipina mother.  Peace :) 

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